No Longer Heard
by Donnie's Kunoichi
Summary: Takes place before "Mutagen Man Unleashed". A depressed Donnie's feelings have hit their maximum peak, causing him to forever abandon his family while he tries to sort himself out on his own. He comes across some things on his short-lived journey, not realizing that leaving will be one of the most fatal things he's ever done. Warning: Character and OC death, depression, angst, etc.
1. Prelude

Before Note: Something fatefully bad happened in my life…I want to write my feelings out. I apologize to any Donatello fans, but some pretty gruesome things happen to him in this fanfic and eventually result in…too much information. I'm sorry, but I'm just very, very sad…

More chapters will come in a while, but for now, just have this short chapter in Donnie's perspective.

Disclaimer: If I owned TMNT, Donnie would unfortunately be dead if this occurred.

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><p>Prelude-<p>

"Don't! Don't touch me! You keep away from me! I never want to see your faces…EVER again!"

_Everytime I was left alone, not a single thought on my mind, those words would ring in my head…over and over and over. Every single pitch of April's betrayed voice burned my head painfully. I could no longer think straight, my commitment to training and patrol were dwindling…and so was my attitude. _

_I was no longer myself after that day. That day since April left us…left me, for good. She never answered my calls or texts, I tried to visit her at her apartment, but she only locked every door and window available for me to enter. Her threats to permanently delete me from her life got stronger every time I bothered her, so with a heavy heart, it felt best for me to just leave her alone. My brothers did everything they could to comfort me, but nothing, absolutely nothing could talk me out of my mood. _

_Depression soon came over me. I found that I couldn't do anything willingly that I always liked to do. I never ate at the table with my family, just grabbed something small to eat before going back to my room or lab. I could never sleep, only being able to after at least 6 hours awake into the night before waking up again, or more accurately, being woken up by one of my brothers, an hour later for dojo practice. But I got so tired I could barely lift my staff. Sensei still pushed me though. He found it that I should forget about my ailments and focus on more important things. I barley spoke to anyone, got severe headaches, and injured myself quite often because I never paid attention to what I was doing. The quality of my science experiments were decreasing, meaning that they were useless. My desperation to find a cure for April's father didn't last long, and soon, I was just left an empty, sad turtle who found that he had no purpose in life anymore. I was absolutely done._

_…What was the purpose of living anymore…?_


	2. Chapter 1-Unwilling

Before Note: I thank a lot of you for the views and favorites/follows of this new story. I know I had promised my other stories updated for you in the future, but I'm much too sad to continue on that objective. I'm just typing this to stem my own sadness that I'm suffering really badly at the moment. I'm really sorry, I'm not sure when I'll be in the mood to continue on my other stories…

Disclaimer: I don't own TMNT.

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><p><strong>Chapter 1-Unwilling<strong>

"Okay, who's turn is it to wake him up now?"

"Well, it obviously ain't mine. Besides, I'm sick of having to deal with his attitude in the morning."

"Oh, look who's talking, Raphie!"

"Shut up!" _SLAP._

"Ow!"

"Enough! C'mon guys, let's not have a debate over this. Donnie's our brother, there's no reason to gamble over the responsibilities we have over him. He's not a toy."

"You say that, yet you're out here with us waitin' to see who's gonna wake him up. Ever try livin' up to your own advice?"

"Raph, please don't…"

"Don't what?"

As the three turtles continued their small argument, Donatello listened silently from his room, knowing that they stood right outside his door. Judging from the volume and their observable words, he knew that they probably didn't know that he was awake by now. He didn't care. He wasn't in the right state of mind to stop them, just let them continue while he pondered his depression.

He'd been the way he is now for at least two weeks. His knowledgeable mind was dwindling, only being replaced with despair and the thought of losing April over again. He soon found that he could no longer put his dedication and hard work into his experiments anymore, and the only things that he was brought down to doing was staying in his room, laying on his bed and occasionally playing with small things he left on his lumpy mattress. One of those many things happened to be his phone, where a digital photo of April and himself always stood for him to stare at every time he turned on the monitor. His arms were wrapped around the redheaded girl tightly in a hug while one of her hands waved at the camera lens on the phone that Mikey was using to take the picture. They both looked so happy, so proud to be friends, almost as if they knew nothing could get in the way of their friendship. That was no longer was the case. In Donnie's eyes, the picture was dead along with his former good feelings. Unfortunately, he couldn't find the strength to get rid of the picture, no matter how much pain it gave him with all the times he's stared at it. It gave him only fragments of the good times he's had with April, while at the same time, the more stronger memories of her anger towards him were soon to take over.

The depressed turtle was sat still in his bed, hugging his bare knees close to him while his blanket was draped over his shoulders and back. He had been up for at least an hour, but refused to get dressed, completely maskless, all knee and elbow pads and belt strewn on the floor. His usual bright burgundy eyes were now dull, only interested in staring at objects lower than chest level. His fingers trailed along his messy sheets of his bed, his eyes following their movement.

He didn't even bother to look up when his door was suddenly opened, sensing the movement of his three brothers entering and heading his direction. He knew the looks on their faces, no guess that they were pretty surprised that their prediction was wrong and that Donnie was already up. He'd usually smile at the thought, but even his face muscles froze into a depression.

Leonardo took a step further than the other two, tempting to hold his hand out to his sad little brother. "Hey…Donnie. We didn't know you were up already."

Donnie couldn't blame them. The common schedule consisted of the purple-clad turtle always being woken up by a family member, minutes before morning training. Donnie always used to be up early in the morning before everybody, besides Leo, always eager to continue where he left off on his experiments. Nowadays, he was only eager in staying in his bed while he toyed with his belongings absently. He chose not to respond to Leo's statement. As if he hadn't said anything to anyone in days.

Raphael's bright green eyes softened by a fraction at the sight of Donnie. It really hurt him to see his brother like this, but he also wanted the tall turtle to toughen up a bit and forget about what ailed him. Sure, they were all shunned and hurt by April's abandonment on their friendship, including him, and things as terrible as that usually didn't go through his thick skin. But at least three out of the four of them were able to deal, and they needed their brainy brother back. He could understand his brother's pain however; April had bonded closer to Donnie than anyone else, and a bond that strong as theirs that had been broken unintentionally would naturally break his heart. But Raph just wanted the same old Donnie back, as much as the other two did. He'd never admit it, but frankly, it frightened him quite much to see the usual sweet turtle in such a depressed stupor. He wanted to blame April for the cause of Donnie's state, but knew it wouldn't be right. It was her choice to distance herself from them. After all, it was their fault…

"Donnie…?" Leo continued.

The addressed turtle continued his silence.

It was Michelangelo's turn to speak up. The youngest turtle walked up to his bedridden brother and sat himself next to Donnie's hunched-over form. He rested a hand on Donnie's shoulder. "Dude, c'mon! Sensei's waiting for us, we gotta go in a few minutes. Y'know you missed breakfast? Maybe after training, I could fix you up one of my famous pizza omelets?" He said the last sentence in an inviting tone, adding a reassuring smile to try to convince Donnie. In response, the purple turtle only gave a small moan and buried his entire face in his knees.

Mikey's smile began to fade, something Leo hated to see. He could no longer take this unnecessary wait for Donnie's reply any longer.

With a small huff, he grabbed Donatello's purple mask from the bedside table and knelt down in front of the latter. He grabbed the turtle's ankles and gently pulled on them, causing Donnie's feet and legs to lower from his face and dangle against the side of the bed. He closed his eyes and sighed as he felt Leo work his mask gently around his head, tying a tight knot from behind and letting the extra fabric tails trail over his shoulder. The eldest placed a gentle grip on younger turtle's bicep.

"Donnie, please listen. You have to get ready now. Master Splinter won't take another late day." Not a single reaction was seen or heard in response.

After exchanging understanding looks, Leo and Mikey stood up and began gathering Donatello's gear from the floor. Raph seemed to understood, and took his part by walking behind Donnie and hoisting his tall younger brother up in a standing position from his underarms, startled by how light Donnie was. It was a fact that Donnie was the skinniest and lightest of his brothers, yes, but it seemed that his healthy weight had unnaturally dropped lower these past weeks. He looked lankier than a stick, his muscular arms feelings soft to the touch.

He watched as Leo and Mikey began tying Donnie's elbow and knee pads to the right places, along with his belt straps over his shoulder and connected it to his waist belt. Once finished, they each grabbed an arm and pulled Donnie forward, dragging him to a walk, with Raph pushing Donnie forward from behind, occasionally giving his brother's tight shoulders a gentle squeeze.

It'll be okay, Donnie," Leo stated firmly, pulling a bit harder as they almost completely made it to the dojo, steps away from the entrance, "we'll have to cope more after we're finished with training. You can't afford one more day being late."

Once they all made it to the dojo, with Donnie's brothers removing their grasp on him, they all stood in front of their awaiting rat sensei, Master Splinter. He stroked his beard in curiosity at he sight of his sons, eyeing his second-youngest with slight concern. While the other three were stiffly stood up straight, waiting for his orders, the poor turtle was slumped over, head refusing to lift up, completely silent to the world. The aging rat sighed and lowered his hand from his beard. Making his way over to the weapons rack perched against the far wall, he grabbed his son's bo-staff from its place and walked back to him, gently placing the stick-like weapon into his open hands.

"Come, Donatello," he insured half-heartedly, placing a paw on the turtle's head, "Let's begin training."

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><p>Movies and tapes were thrown all across the pit of the common room, all rejected from the one movie Michelangelo was desperate to seek. He sat on his knees, hunched over a gray crate full of all the entertainment they owned. The crate's contents were beginning to dwindle as a movie or a video game or a tape was hurled out of it and onto the cold floor. His three older brothers constantly had to switch places on the couch in order to avoid a high-flying case being thrown their direction.<p>

"HEY! Watch it!" Raphael swerved his head into a duck as a racecar video game case twirled over his body in a shruiken throw. It clapped loudly on the floor, inches from the sewer pool.

Leonardo rolled his eyes. He kept his gaze intently on his youngest brother in fear of a case heading his, or Donatello's direction, once again. He sat close to the purple-clad turtle, a hand covering one of Donnie's on the latter's lap, the other hand on his shoulder, a position form of steering Donnie from side to side to help him avoid the flying disks, since the poor turtle's state of mind forbade him to do so on his own.

"Will you just PICK A MOVIE, already?!" Raph practically screamed. Patience wearing dangerously thin, he threw the comic book he was reading for passing time and stomped over to his orange-clad brother, who didn't seem to pay much attention to Raph's soon-coming rage.

Mikey began to panic. "I know it's here somewhere, dude! I mean, how hard is it to find Star Wars? The whole case is like, 5 inches worth of movies!"

Raphael's face reddened. "Oh, no!" he said matter-of-factly, "We are NOT going to sit here for a whole 8 hours watching marathons of space nerds and robots fight each other with giant glowing swords!" he knelt down and began tearing through the near-empty crate, desperate to change the subject. "We're watchin' something different!"

"But…Raaaaaphie," the younger turtle whined at an attempt to object, holding up a colorless disk with no case and staring at it forlornly.

Leo turned his attention away from Mikey and Raph's spat, focusing on his other little brother. He lowered his hand from Donnie's shoulder, but kept the other on his balled-up still one.

"Donnie…?" The addressed turtle remained stationary, staying in the same position he preferred the past few days, not uttering a single word. Leo exhaled at the sight of his brother, attempting to try again with words. He wanted him to say _something, _anything to help him set his mood a little more straight and focus on spending time with his brothers.

"Donnie…do _you _know what we should watch?...I think it'd be fair if we let Donnie pick, right guys?" He gestured towards the other two, who continued bickering and weren't aware of the one-sided conversation until they were addressed. Raph awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck.

"Uh…yeah, sure. Go for it, Don…I guess?"

They would've expected no answer, and their guess was correct. Donnie didn't even move a muscle. Mikey's bright blue eyes were gazing concernedly at the tall turtle, fumbling restlessly with the holes in the crate. They all waited with uncomfortable silence for the answer they should've known Donatello would not utter, but could not hurt to try, even the simplest of asks was worth the attempt.

Just when they were about to give up on waiting, Raphael already turning back to graze through the cases, after at least 3 days of complete silence…the purple turtle finally produced his first word. His hand tensed under Leo's soft grip on it.

"Mm…tired…"

Leo stared at him for a long time, not finding the right words to respond. Mikey, however, had.

"Umm, dude…we don't own that movie…." A punch on the arm from Raphael silenced his ludicrous statement.

Leo's brows creased in slight confusion. "You're tired…? You sure you don't wanna sit here and watch something with us?" Just when he thought his brother's social behavior couldn't get any stronger, he was quite surprised to see Donnie turn his head in his direction, staring deeply into his sapphire eyes. Leo took note of his face; his brown eyes were slightly tinged with blood-red, he couldn't tell if it was from crying or sleep-deprivation or whatever. His features were completely worn down, as if they had stayed there for an eternity. He looked downright exhausted, although Leo wasn't sure how that could be the case, considering that the purple turtle slept in almost every day.

Donnie slightly nodded his head, further confirming Leo's question. As much as Leo didn't want his younger brother to become unresponsive to them all once again and leave, he also didn't want to upset him any further. He cared nothing more but for Donatello to be happy again, to accept the love that his family was desperately trying to give him, no matter what it was. Unfortunately, going against leader orders and instead following his big-brotherly orders, he decided to give Donatello the comfort he wanted, which was to simply be left alone…once again.

He gently patted Donnie's shoulder. "Alright…you, um, head off to bed then, okay? Tell us if you need anything." He noticed the way his brother began to stand, with much difficulty. "You need any help getting there?" Although Donnie was faced away from him, Leo could easily see the slight shake of his head that signaled a no.

The three brothers watched intently as the tallest brother slowly trudged away from the couch, and finally out of sight into his bedroom and shutting the door behind him.

Raph and Mikey slowly turned back to the discarded entertainment crate. The only thing inside left, safe from being thrown, was a lonely videogame of HALO. Raph picked it up and inspected it awkwardly. "Why don't we just play some videogames, 'kay, Mikey?"

"Sure thing, bro," the younger turtle replied, smiling afterwards, "besides, I already kicked your butt the last three times we played this. Better keep my record straight!"

"You're gonna get your butt kicked for real if you don't stop gloating!"

"Oh yeah?"

"Wanna test me, dork?!"

"Maybe.."

As the two were setting up the game, continuing their argument, Leo noted how they seemed to have forgotten about Donnie altogether. He was relieved by the thought, not wanting any more of his family to suffer one's behavior. He smiled and shook his head, standing up and proceeding to pick up the fallen cases thrown all over the floor. The sounds of the chancy theme of HALO filled his ears, along with Raph and Mikey's voices. As he finished cleaning, his attention kept shifting back to the bedrooms, where Donnie had last been seen. The urge to check on his brother was uplifting every time his eyes glimpsed in the room's direction. He knew the brainy turtle wanted his space, but also knew that he was getting too much of it. His worry level was expanding drastically.

His spot on the couch was currently being occupied by Raphael. The forest-green turtle was hunched over, full attention on the blaring screen and game controller gripped tightly in hand. Michelangelo was laid back against a beanbag chair, legs crossed and controller resting leisurely in his lap. Their argument was still going strong, even as they were already playing, but Leo decided to ignore.

"I'll be right back, guys," he told them absently, even sure that they probably didn't hear him. He turned towards the bedroom hall, slowly making his way out of the common room and right in front of Donatello's bedroom door. He inhaled, breath frozen in place as his fist lightly racked the door, praying that Donnie could hear it.

"Donnie?" No response sounded from the other side.

With reluctance, the leader in blue placed his hand on the doorknob and turned it. The door squeaked quietly, causing him to wince, but continued and peaked through the door, He looked on the far corner of his room and saw his brother laying still on his bed. Pushing the door open enough for him to slide through, he walked over to Donnie's bed. He released the breath he held in for a while, relieved to see that Donnie was sleeping.

_Wow, he said he was tired, but…_

The purple-clad turtle was lying on his plastron, his face buried in his pillow and his sheets thrown over the side of his bed. His breathing was light and steady, back slowly rising and descending with each breath. Leo's eyes softened, his heart dropping at the sight of Donnie's T-phone gripped tightly in the turtle's hand, the same photo he had always stared at on the already-dimming screen as it was about to shut off.

_Oh, Donnie, _he thought sadly, _what have you been doing to yourself?_

The leader grabbed the phone from his brother's grasp and turned it off, setting it on the bedside table. He retrieved the blankets from the edge of the bed and spread them lightly over Donnie's back, covering all but his shoulders, head and arms. He rubbed small circles on his shell, happy to see that his brother looked more relaxed and not depressed. Sleep was obviously doing a good job to help him recover from his sad feelings, which Leo absolutely hated seeing him like that. He knew his brother needed help, but at this point, after two weeks of silence, the brainy turtle was over the point of sick. He was sick with extreme sadness, his endurance and strength lowering drastically, his brain level decreasing, and his participation in every family thing they did never coming to use anymore. And all because of a friendship departure…

After a few pats on his shell, Leo made his way back towards the door, walking sideways to keep his eyes on his brother the whole time, all the way up behind the entrance, and finally shutting the door. He sighed and closed his eyes tight, bringing his hand up to his face and massaged the bridge of his nose in deep worry. He knew absolutely nothing could be done right, nor the lighter mood of the whole lair and the family inside it, could be better once more without the old Donatello back. He wanted Donnie to understand how badly he was hurting the whole family. Mikey could barely smile, Raph stayed more distant, Master Splinter urged him harder more than he needed to, and Leo was just torn inside without all of his brothers in good shape, the perfect shape for him to lead them and be the eldest brother to them.

He couldn't even bear for this thought to cross his mind anymore, but if Donatello couldn't be fixed soon…ultimate drastic measures would have to be taken, something Leo would never even bear to do, even to his brothers. It wasn't like death, no, but to him, it felt like it would be.

Donatello needed help now…it would only be a matter of time until something….


End file.
